Unbelievable.

Dear Mama,

Today started out in a dream.

I was battling the opinions of a few certain people and in the middle of it all an alarm clock went off. It interrupted my ranting, so I immediately turned it off and continued my verbal battle. I was winning and I didn’t want to lose my edge.

This dream drifted into a different one where I missed my 8:00am class and Professor Bowtie morphed from his normal friendly self to a critical, harsh man with blazing red eyes who towered over me as he ranted about my irresponsibility.

This is a horrible fear of mine, that I will sleep through one of my classes. So, this is a dream that I actually have relatively frequently. I mean, normally the professors are just disappointed in me, but nevertheless these dreams always make me feel a little sick, very stressed, and I normally have a headache for half an hour afterward.

I woke up from this dream, grabbed my phone, and for the first time since I had the flu last fall, I realized that this nightmare was about to come true…

My 8:00am class was going to start in 4 minutes. To make it worse, today’s attendance was mandatory. 

I jumped out of bed, threw on my jeans, put on the first shirt I could grab, picked up my flip flops and backpack, and ran across campus barefooted, makeup-less with unbrushed hair, in the most unattractive shirt I own. I was halfway to class before I realized I still had my retainer in.

My lack of deodorant, plus the several minute long run, going down the three flights of stairs to get to The Ark, and going up another three flights of stairs to get to the right floor left me smelly.

I abhor body odor.

I arrived 5 minutes after class had started. Thankfully, three people came in after me, so I only the rudest person in the room for about 30 seconds.

I sat in the chair closest to the door and tried very hard to not breathe like a person fighting off a heart attack.

Professor Bowtie hadn’t begun the devotion for the day, so I assumed he had started a minute or two later than normal, which made my interruption a little less horrible.

After a few minutes, my breathing calmed and I managed to take out my retainer very quickly without anyone noticing. I folded it in a piece of paper and (thanks to you), I had gum with me.

Within a few moments minty freshness took the place of morning breath.

Professor Bowtie’s lecture took up about half of the class time. We are going over excel spreadsheets, the stock market, and all of that intimidating stuff that seems to suck all the light from a room and cause death to all who possess laughter and joy.

After the lecture, we had to work with our assigned groups.

Um…

My group pretty much hates me.

I think I smiled one too many times or something, because I’m relatively positive that they’re all convinced I’m the stupidest person on the face of the planet.

There are five of us, but one girl never shows up, so it’s me and the other three. These three always manage to lean in together and mumble just loud enough for each other understand what’s being said. I’m always on the outside and I have no idea what plans are being made.

You see, this shouldn’t be a problem because the instructions on our project are pretty cut and dry, but it turned out that we all had to submit the exact same file.

So our stupid projects had to be identical.

Which means when the Three decide to add a subtitle to our project, I have to know that decision was made so I can implement that change to my file as well. This causes a bit of a problem when they don’t directly speak to me unless I first ask to be spoken to.

As you know, two days ago I had an appointment with Professor Bowtie about skipping class on Easter weekend so I can come home. At the end of this appointment I asked him about a few things that the Three had decided about our project, to make sure these were okay changes.

You see, we all had to pick a company and “invest” imaginary money in those companies, and track how well the stocks did, whether we got a profit, all that junk. We were supposed to track the stocks every week and add the weekly changes to our spreadsheet… my group wanted to check every other week. This is one example of the changes I asked Professor Bowtie about, because they didn’t follow the instructions exactly, so I wasn’t sure if we would be counted off for those changes.

Professor Bowtie told me we would definitely be counted off if we didn’t follow the instructions.

… I know… shocker…

I e-mailed everyone in my group that day and told them what Professor Bowtie had said so they could all make the necessary changes. I then changed my own spreadsheet and submitted the assignment.

Well, today in class I realized that no one in my group had done the extra work to correct the mistakes. Professor Bowtie kindly allowed us to submit the assignment late so we could work on them in class. Since I was the one who had done the extra work, I emailed my file to everyone else.

When our whole row opened my file, Professor Bowtie made a big deal about one of the graphs I’d done. He said he loved the way it was presented and that he had never seen information laid out that way. He called the whole class over to look at this chart. I was really surprised, excited, and pleased! He said he was going to take it and use it as an example for his future classes! One of the Three blew it up on his screen so everyone could see, but did not say a word about how the graph was actually all my work.  

Now, I’m not in kindergarten. I don’t need the Professor to know whenever I’ve done something great. I don’t need his affirmation, especially not in front of the whole class. The thing that bothered me was that everyone in my group had literally just opened my file less than 2 minutes before the professor walked by, and they all just sat there like it was a big communal project. Now, even that would have been almost okay, except that after all this happened, and everyone had returned to their seats, I was still left out of the Mumbling-Three-Ways and the changes were still explained to me only when I asked for them.

At the end of it all, one of the Three sent out his modified version of my file to everyone so we could all submit the same thing. When he did, I opened it and realized that he had invested about $150 more in company shares than we were allowed to invest. I brought this up, and the group didn’t really care. They wanted to go, class was technically over, everyone else had left a few minutes before, and the points we would lose by doing it incorrectly didn’t really bother them.

Now, I probably shouldn’t have cared as much as I did, but I want to do well. It wasn’t a difficult assignment, and we easily could have gotten full credit. But, because we all had to submit the same thing and the group didn’t want to change the amounts, I had to just submit the assignment knowing that there was something wrong with it.

This was the moment that I decided I hate group projects.   

It was about 20 minutes before chapel, and I texted The Ap’s, asking if she could bring my make up bag with her; and because she is wonderful, she did so.

It’d been a rough morning.

The Ap’s showed up with my bag, and I went into the gross over-used public restroom. As I washed my face in the sink of the nearly abandoned room, I heard the beginning of some of the worship songs.

I could finally breathe. It was going to be okay. Class was over.

I applied my make up, fluffed my hair, and came out of the bathroom feeling refreshed and a little more put together.

As I stood in the Giant Golfball, singing along to the songs that spoke of my Savior, I began to feel grateful.

You know, we serve a really great God.

All the little positive things I’d been trying to think of throughout the morning became easier to grasp. As I sang, I began to thank God for things in my morning…

Yeah, I’d woken up four minutes before class, but I’d woken up! (That’s not the cliché “I could have been dead” thing. It’s just that I’m aware that I basically sleep like a log. The fact that I woke up in time to make it to class without an alarm clock was purely by His Grace.)

I have a retainer to keep that one stupid tooth from getting crooked, and I only have to wear it twice a week! So yeah, it came on a field trip with me to class, but I’m really glad I have it.

Thanks to your package coming in the mail just a couple days ago, I had gum in my bag to get rid of my nasty breath.

Professor Bowtie liked my graph so much that he’s going to use it to teach other students after I leave this school! So yeah, even if I didn’t get the credit, knowing that he liked it that much made me feel less like the stumbling child that I always feel like when working with my group. That was encouraging.

And yeah, I’m going to miss some points on this assignment. But because of the faithfulness of God, I’ve been able to submit assignments on time, remember and apply the work in class, and do it to a point that I have 97% of the possible points in that class. Computers and I don’t mix well! Excel is scary! Yet, because of how great God is, He’s kept the information in my mind and I’ve been able to succeed.

And what’s neat is, once I thanked God for all of those things, the day seemed a lot brighter than it had before.

And I’m actually kind of glad today started out so roughly, because if it hadn’t then I wouldn’t have even thought to thank God for all of those little things.

I’m glad that God knows me well enough to allow rough things to happen so I’m reminded of how Great He is. It’s really easy for me to forget to be thankful when everything is going smoothly.  

And now, it’s 1 in the morning.

It’s Saturday.

I’m about to have read my Bible and have a little more one-on-One time with the Creator of the Universe.

And that’s unbelievable.

But that’s my life.

And I just wanted to tell you all of that, because it all ended up being really exciting to me. And I like to tell you exciting stuff.

So anyway…

I’ll talk to you soon,

With Love,

Me

Snow.

Dear Mama,
Today was absolutely magical.
It snowed.
I'm not talking little drizzle from the sky that halfway froze on the way down, I'm talking... at least 5 inches in only a few hours.
Classes were cancelled after four o'clock this afternoon.
On Wednesdays I only have chapel and one class at 1:45. My professor had gone ahead and cancelled class in expectation of the snow today, so after chapel, I was free!

As The Ap's and I were walking to chapel, I could feel my silver hoop earrings begin to freeze in my ears. It was very uncomfortable. The Ap's was actually complaining about the cold more than I! And she is from the Land of Snow! That's when I knew for sure this cold was really cold. It was serious. And I was free to complain without being teased for being a thin-skinned Southerner.

The Ap's and I walked in the Great Golfball and sat down. Bow-tie came to sit with us. He is one of The Ap's many admirers. Sadly for him, he ended up sitting next to me instead of her. So, he took to pestering me through chapel. I did not appreciate this. Now, granted, it was probably the most boring chapel of all time. Honestly, just looking around at the 13,000 faces I was surrounded by, they all looked like they were having the life sucked from their very souls. Just to make sure it wasn't only me, I whispered to The Ap's, "Is it just me, or does everyone look bored our of their minds?" "Yeah" she said, "They all look pretty miserable."

It turned around in the last 4 minutes of the message! The last four minutes were worth the half of an hour sitting there wondering where he was going with this entire thing, and why in the world he kept repeating his clichés. Well, maybe it didn't completely change my opinion of the message, I mean, if it had I certainly wouldn't have written the previous paragraph! So... Make of that what you will.

Anyway, after chapel, The Ap's and I went with a couple friends to get subs for lunch. I got a footlong, ate half of it, and saved the other half for dinner. (Yeah, I'm practical like that). After lunch, I got back to the  dorm and spent the day studying and taking a couple online quizzes. (I got 100% on all of them!) (...just to sound braggy and self-centered...)
I got an email saying that classes tomorrow are cancelled, and... I'm so excited to not have class tomorrow!

I looked up the requirements for my trip home, what I can and cannot bring, all that good stuff.

Around 5:00 The Ap's left the room to grab dinner, then Mountain-Side was picking her up for a small gathering of people from swing dancing at his house. And I wasn't just being lame and refusing to go! He'd only invited a few people, and with the exception of Bow-tie, all those people went... (yeah. you're a smart one! Like how I made you figure that out on your own?)
The Ap's was really excited to go. She left the room all cute and pink for Valentine's day, and the Other and I just sat in the room like, "Well.... guess we should go back to headphones and homework."
We went on doing our own thing, until The Other left, saying she'd be back at curfew.

And with that
I was alone.
Ahh....
Alone in a dorm room is a beautiful thing.

I was done with homework.
So, do you know what that meant? No homework, no roommates, chilly day with snow falling outside?
That's right.
Disney movies with the volume up as loud as I want!

(Okay, stop judging. Sometimes, it's frustrating to always have to wear headphones. It's relieving to be free to use my computer speakers. Also, there are times that I have a moment where I want some innocent entertainment. Today was one of those days. I just wanted to watch something I'd seen when I was little. It makes me happy every now and then.)

(*Real time interruption* The Other and The Ap's just came in. The Ap's is glowing from her evening with Mountain-Side and her friends from swing. The Other is telling me how she was afraid she was going to be late. They are both about 3 minutes late for curfew, but the RA hadn't come in yet, so they were fine... Guess it's time to put the headphones back in and listen to more Boyce Avenue while I finish this up!.... Nope. The Ap's is telling me more about her night. So never mind about the music. I'll be back in a minute.)

(okay, I'm back.)

After my movie ended, I heard loud cheering from outside.
I look out my window, and there is a huge group of people in a circle.
Then I saw how many other people were outside! There were so many! Everyone was running, and playing, it looked like a lot of fun!
I decided I would join.
I got bundled up, and went out.

It's funny... snow makes everyone instant friends. I've been here for over a semester, and I had more people randomly start talking to me tonight than I ever had before!

Immediately upon walking outside, a girl grabbed me, told me to watch, and then said, "No, do it with me!" and proceeded to belly-side down the snow. (We were on a hill. If that helps it to make a bit more sense.)
Of course, I did it. I thought she and I knew each other but because I could only see her eyes, I didn't recognize her.
Turned out that she had no clue who I was.
I ended up being in this random group of 6 or so girls through most of the night. We introduced ourselves, and from there it was really easy to laugh, dance to the music that was playing over the speakers, throw snowballs, etc.
After a while, they went inside, and I went over to the group of yelling people.
Evidently a snowball fight had morphed into a wrestling match. Two people would be in the center, a ref would tell them when to start, and they would wrestle until one person could pin another; then those two would switch out for two other people.
The circle surrounding the wrestlers was about 4 or 5 layers of people thick. I couldn't see anything. It was like being in a comedy, where the main character is trying desperately to see something, and instead they only see the backs of other people's heads, and watch everyone go up and down to the "OHHH!!!"s of excitement.
I finally found an opening... right as it broke up into a snowball fight again.
Like I said... it was akin to a comedy.

Altogether, I had a good time.
My hair froze, which made people stop me and ask if I was really cold. I actually wasn't! My hair just was frozen, as were my eyelashes. Several girls stopped me and told me I looked "Beautiful, like an ice princess or something!".
I wasn't completely sure what to say to them, because my two pairs of sweatpants and gigantic hoddie didn't really seem to be screaming princess of anything when I left the dorm. Maybe upon stepping outside, I'd magically morphed into one of those ridiculously pretty girls from the movies!
After a carful mental debate, I decided I had morphed. That was more logical than the possibility that I looked so strange they felt they had to say something, right?

Eventually I came back inside because my two pairs of gloves just weren't enough anymore. I hung up my wet things over a towel (yeah, you taught me good) and changed into something warm and comfortable.

So now I am here on my bed under my blankets.
I am warm.
I am happy.
I'm a little hungry
so I'm gonna make half a peanut butter sandwich.

I love you,

Me

Scary.

Dear Mama,
Tonight, the Ap's and I went to Open Mic (... basically anyone on campus who thinks they can sing is allowed to sign up and sing or recite poetry. Some of them are correct in their assumptions of their abilities. Some, on the other hand, are poorly mistaken.) It was pretty good! Although, the volume was turned up so loud that you couldn't always understand what the people were saying. But, all in all, it was very enjoyable!
Soon enough, I got hungry. I do that, you know.
The Ap's had already eaten, but she still stood in line with me because she's a lovely human being. The Open Mic ended, and we danced in place to the next few songs the leaders of the Open Mic played while they took down the set. The guys behind us look ridiculously melancholy, and I wanted very badly to ask why, but not badly enough to carry on a conversation afterward, so I left them alone.
I got my six inch sub, and the Ap's and I made an agreement: She would hang out while I ate if I would walk back to the dorm with her (rather than us riding on the bus.)
I was not pleased, but I knew she really just wanted to walk back and she wanted me to come too.
So, I agreed.
and I ate.
and then we left...
into the cold night.

I was not really dressed for this chilly adventure from one end of campus to the other, but I tried to not think about it. we passed a few people, and I could see their breath. The Ap's offered to take the bus, but I knew she really, really wanted to walk, so I said something overly dramatic about how I had made a decision and I was sticking to it, and we continued through to the abandoned football stadium.
Now, it got to that point in conversation where the obvious had to be stated: if I were home, dad would pop out of that bush wearing a gorilla mask.
It was just the truth!
It was dark, freezing, and uncomfortable. It would be the moment dad would choose to scare the living daylights out of me.
We discussed this, you know, what we would do and so forth.
Then... that silence fell
You know the one.
You make light of something you're legitimately fearful of, and afterward you are both too busy playing these scenarios in your head to actually speak? Yeah. That silence.
It was so... so so quiet....
And then, like it was playing out from my mind, some man ran from the shadows and grabbed April!
THERE WAS A MAN
RUNNING
GRABBING APRIL
She screamed
I screamed
WE WERE GOING TO DIE!!

She and I jumped away, hugged ourselves, and tried to make sense of it all...
Then I realized... he didn't really grab her.
It turned out he didn't even touch her. We scared him about as much as he scared us!
He and his friend were jogging, and they just happened to be really quiet runners who didn't have the decency to not run so close to us we could touch them.
I leaned up against the wall of the football stadium and experienced a moment where I just needed to remember how to breathe.
We got up, and continued to walk.
We started to laugh... and we kept laughing, we kept laughing until *POW!!!*
And we jumped.
Who in the world fires off a firework at 10:00pm for no apparent reason?
I looked at the Ap's and said, "You know, Satan just wants me to have a heart attack and die tonight."
She agreed that it was a plausible reason for the past events.
We continued to walk, because our campus is ridiculously long, and we saw the darker part of the walkway, out in front of the Giant Golfball. It has a few street lights, but it's just... darker than the rest of campus, and I never like walking through there at night. I have a very active mind, especially at night, and there is rarely a time I go out in the dark when I don't have scenarios running through my mind about how I will protect myself from a man lurking in the bushes.
But, the Ap's and I had eased up. We're talking freely about... something. I started to complain about how cold my fingers were, we sang a song in harmony, I started to trip and caught myself, you know, the usual stuff.
We begin to go through the dark part, and as another girl came my way I think to myself, "You know, this is an irrational fear."
Mid-thought, I'm surrounded.
Completely surrounded by the sound of men screaming at me.
Just screaming.
they're all around
I can't see them, but they're everywhere!
April and I both scream, as does the girl coming toward us. We all slightly huddle against the fence and wait for it to end.
It felt longer than it really was
Then I realized... it was the Idiots.

The Idiots drive around really fast at night, and whenever they see a girl on the sidewalk they full-on yell. The car is always packed, so it sounds like there is an angry mob after you or something equally traumatizing. The Idiots have attacked me once before, and April, twice. These guys just load up, and drive around yelling at people for kicks...
As they sped off, I yelled, "WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT?!" (because I manage anger in a healthy way.)
I was not happy.
The other girl started to laugh a little, and April and I did a bit too, but we were both kind of uneasy.
We continued to walk, and... something I haven't shared with you up to this point is this:
I really had to tinkle.
That's not a good thing when people are scaring you, because that desire does not leave. It just stays. Makes itself known. For all of eternity.
So, we finally reach our building, and I'm trying to act all cool while The Ap's messes with her PassCard. I can feel my eyes bulging. I needed to get inside. Bad.
Finally, she opened the door, I raced up the stairs, into those nasty public restrooms, and slam the stall door behind me.
Then I had a horrible realization
My fingers were so frozen I couldn't unbutton.
I tried multiple times but I couldn't get my fingers to work!
I'm standing there, realizing I am trapped.
I cannot be free.
The night took more than my sanity, it took the function of my fingers.

That's when it got religious.
I prayed.
"God. Please. Help me. Please, please, please God help me."
You would have thought I was a martyr asking God to give me strength in the face of persecution.

Thankfully, there are no limits on the drama level of our prayers, because... He heard mine.

And that is my story for today.

-Me

Chocolate.

     Dear Mama,
     Today there was church, and I'll be honest, I didn't want to go. I was tired, and I felt... well. "eh" about the whole thing. But I got up, got dressed, and got into the van to go. At Sunday school, I ate a blueberry muffin instead of the chocolate one, because of my whole... "trying to avoid sweets" thing, and accepted Red Beard's invitation to sit next to him. The Ap's came and sat next to me, and we three talked for a bit. Red Beard looked at his empty styrofoam cup and said, "Well that's sad. My milk is gone." I took his cup from him without saying a word and went to go refill it. It was an easy transfer, so I didn't think anyone had noticed, but as I left the circle of fold up chairs, I heard Red Leader say, "Wow, Red Beard, why don't you go ask her to make you a sandwich too!" And the sandwich jokes escalated from there. I brought his milk back, and apologized for not bringing him two bagels with creme cheese in the middle, since that was the closest thing to a sandwich available.

     In Sunday school we talked about the government. So. That was exciting.

     It ended, and I realized Braids was there. She hadn't been at church yet, or at youth group (which she had previously been one of the leaders of) this semester. I had run into her a handful of times over the semester, and she seemed sad. See, the thing about Braids is, she (normally) is the definition of joyful. Her love of Jesus is truly inspiring; it flows from everything she says and does. She's a beautiful, happy, energetic person.
     But this semester, she seemed... heavy. She needed to talk, but she isn't the kind of person to talk about herself unless you ask. So, I pulled her aside and asked. Her eyes filled up with tears when she said, "No, I'm fine, really. Jesus is good, I'm just... not. But I'll be okay." "Braids, what's wrong?" "It would take hours to explain everything." Most everyone had left the room at this point. I touched her shoulder and asked, "Well, have you talked to anyone about at least some of it?" She shook her head.
   I sat down with her, and asked her to just start somewhere. For the most part, she just felt lonely. Her family moved back to another country, so she was alone in America. Along with that, she is the kind of person that gives until they have nothing left, and with all the groups she's involved herself in, she's exhausted from listening to people talk, caring for them, praying for them, bearing their burdens. Several friendships are with manipulative people who give absolutely nothing back, and guilt her if she isn't always available to them. All of that, plus an extremely large homework load has taken its toll, and she's lost some of that pure joy in seeking God. That was taking a toll on her as well, because, like I said, Braids is a happy person who truly finds joy in Christ. She was missing that... light, happy joy.
     She ended this conversation by saying, "And I hate this weather! Why is it so cold? I miss warmth so much..." I knew from a previous conversation that her love language was gifts, and I was pretty sure one of the things she needed the most was to just laugh and let some of the stress go.
     As we ended this conversation, Flywheel came in. He'd been one of the last to leave the room from Sunday School. "Hey" I said, "how much of the service have we missed?" "Oh... I don't know. I didn't go up." Braids sat up a bit, "why not?" "Well, because I've been outside, praying for you. Are you doing better?" Seems I wasn't the only one who'd noticed Braids' change. "Yeah" she said, "I really am." "Okay, good." He said, "Well if you need anything, just say so." He left the room.

     I then crafted a plan to make Braids laugh, and to give her a little bit of the warmth she'd been missing. After church, I went up to Flywheel, "Hey" I said, "Can I ask you something?" I told him my plan, (which required a trip to Walmart.)
     He drove The Ap's and I there after lunch with our group from church. I decided I'd turn up the heat really high in my room, and tell Braids (who's agreed to come to the dorm for a bit in the afternoon) to bring shorts. I'd decorate with cheap fake flowers and streamers. I'd play some fun upbeat songs on my radio, and make tropical fruit dipped in chocolate for a snack. (I figured I'd let today be a vacation from my attempts to avoid sweets. It was for a good cause! And though I hated the thought of it, it would just be weird to make her eat it on her own.... I know. It was a real sacrifice. But it was one I felt I had to make...) I'd also save some of the flowers and attach them to bobby pins to put in our hair. I got her some loaf cake, because I know she loves bread but there wasn't any of the kind she said she liked. I got two different kinds of chocolate- milk and white- because I didn't know which one she would like better. For fruit, I made sure to buy things I know me and my roommates would eat as well (since Braids and I definitely wouldn't eat all of it during the afternoon) I also thought the flowers would add something nice to the room, and if I decorated well, they could just stay up! The streamers were 93 cents... so... I figured that was an easy splurge. Flywheel had the idea to buy streamers the colors of her country's flag. We were set.
     I spent an hour getting ready. I told Braids when to show up, what to bring (shorts...), and I was so excited! I'd decided to be frugal and buy a whole pineapple rather than the pre-cut bits, (it was a couple dollars cheaper, and I got more pineapple than I would have if I'd just gotten the cut up bits) and boy, was that a pain in the butt to cut. My knives were not made for that heavy duty stuff! But finally, the process was over. I cut up two bananas, and set out about 8 strawberries, and saved the rest for when I wanted fruit later on in the week.
     I set the freshly cut fruit out nicely on a plate, and had just put the chocolate in the microwave start when my phone went off...

     Braids was getting sick. Her roommate had mono. She was really sorry, but after homework she didn't think she could come. She asked if we could hang out another day. I told her it was okay and we could definitely reschedule.
     Not gonna lie, I was really disappointed...
   
     But, then I figured, "why waste all of this?" By the time Braids felt better, the fruit would probably be bad, and it was already all chopped up and half the chocolate has melted. So, I decided The Ap's and I would just have a nice treat! We'd have fruit dipped in chocolate for dinner! The Other had gone home for the weekend, so it was just us two. Plus, this would allow me more time to work on my homework.
    I dipped all the fruit, found out that mixing milk in the chocolate does not make it creamier, made a bar of chocolate from the slightly over-milked chocolate, and finished dipping the pineapples in a new batch of creamy, sweet darkness.

     I put it all in the fridge and started on some homework. After about 45 minutes, The Ap's got the hardened fruit dipped in deliciousness, and we ate almost all of it while laughing at, tearing up to, and sometimes just scoffing at wedding proposal videos on YouTube.

     Occasionally we would even break out into Beyoncé's song, "All the single ladies"! (well, just the first lines, "All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" I know. The lyrics are about as deep as my love for itchy clothing.)

     All that's to say, the single life is treating me well! And I can make chocolate covered fruit in my dorm. It's been a successful day.

    With Love,
     Me

Travel.

     Dear Mama,
     Today has been a little rough. And I'll tell you why.
   
     I woke up at 6:30.

     Let's just take a moment and appreciate that terrible life decision.


     What made it worse was getting up at that time meant I got about 3 hours of sleep. And even that's being generous, because the Other woke up at 4:30 to go to her ROTC training. And when she wakes up, we all wake up.
     So, the reason I chose to get up at such an unearthly hour, was simply because I have a class at 8:15, and I wouldn't have enough time between the end of class and chapel to come and clean the room. I failed to realize this until last night after the Other had fallen asleep and The Ap's was close to it. So, I bit the bullet, set the alarm, and did more homework than I needed to so I wouldn't be stressed over the weekend.
     At 7:40 the room looked beautiful. Everything was put away nicely, the Other has taken out all, (all. even my) garbage, (it was a glorious moment in the world of Me.) The floor had been swept, the Other is was taking a shower, and I was alone. I was dressed, ready, shoes on, messenger bag filled, make up applied, and warm. I enjoyed my solitude until 7:59, when I realized I needed to prepare myself for the cold wasteland of the outdoors.
     I walked down the stairwell, and waited until I see a bus through the window before walking outside. I could tell just by the chill of the window that if I went out there too soon, my face would freeze so badly, my nose would fall off.
     So, I finally see the bus, and I run to catch it, the whole time praying that there is room for me. There was. The ride down to main campus was warm. and I was happy. I made a friend with the girl sitting next to me. And she was nice, even though no one looked happy to be awake.
     The bus stopped. I got out, jaywalked across the street, (because that's what we learn here at college) jaunted up the stairs to the second floor of the Ark, and went into my classroom. My very friendly looking professor was nowhere to be found. I take a seat next to a girl, say hello, she ignores me, so I just go on and turn on my computer. This guy comes and sits next to me, says hello, I say good morning, and I think to myself, "He is an attractive person." That's it. That was the entire thought. Nothing else. Just acknowledging that he was a decent looking human being. I then turned back to my computer, and did not think of it again until later on in the class when I find out that, of all the students in this course, he is the only one who is married. And I legitimately felt like an adulterous.

     Another fun moment of class was when I misunderstood the professor (who did end up coming to class-- much to my disappointment) when he said, "don't take selfies. You can get in huge trouble for it." Something you should understand about my teacher: though he is friendly, he can be very intense. He worked a job that I'll tell you more about later, but basically, he's credible. So I was scared. Why was I scared?
     Well, we had just finished talking about Social Media, and how it is used to harass, bully, stalk, and threaten people. We also talked about the legal definitions and consequences of these actions. So, when he said "huge trouble" I thought "huge" included some of the other things he had been saying like, losing job credibility, losing your chances of being accepted to colleges, going to jail! Those sorts of very unappealing things. So, I was thinking of the few selfies I've taken. Just a couple days ago, I took a selfie to show off what The Ap's had done to my hair. I did not want to go to jail for that! I'm not one of those girls who take a selfie a day. But I've taken a few! and I was legitimately scared that there might be something wrong with that, like, it shows arrogance or stupidity or something!
     I wasn't going to bring this up in class though. Let's just be honest, no matter what you say to preface it, if you ask if taking selfies is legal you not only look like an idiot, but you also look like the selfie-a-day girl.
     So. I waited until after class.
     My Professor laughed when I asked my question, which was something I wasn't sure how to react to. He then explained that it had to be a selfie of something not completely appropriate, (clubbing, doing drugs, that kinda thing), so basically, my hair pictures are safe from criminal charge.

    I walked out of the class, and started talking to a girl I hadn't seen before. She'd had a question too, so we left semi-together. She was a really sweet girl! And I think we'll at least be, "Hey, how are you? I'm good too. See you later" friends. I asked her what year she was, and she said, "Well, technically I'm a junior, but I'm a freshmen."
     ... mmmkay, princess, I'm going to pretend like that made since... "You see, I was homeschooled and I did two years of college at home while finishing up my last two years of high school." Ahh, the over achieving home schooler... I complimented her on her abilities, and then realized I was talking to the older version of my sister. (At least, as far as academics go). And I had a moment of sisterly pride as I bragged about what my sophomore sister planned to do. I could tell this girl was impressed. Which was cool.

     We got coffee, (okay, she got coffee, I got hot chocolate because coffee is gross) and we talked as we descended the Ark, walked through the cold to the doors of the Great Golf Ball, and I lost her as we walked through the crowded entryway.

     (Chapel was so good. The speaker made excellent points that caused me to think a lot about my walk with God. I'll tell you more about that later.)

     After chapel, I had a choice to make. The Great Golf Ball is in the middle of campus, so I could either walk up to my dorm in the freezing cold, or I could take a bus. The downside of the bus was that it first had to go to the other side of campus, before it looped around to my dorm. But, this was an easy choice for me, since I already miss riding around in cars, so the extra time in the bus would be welcomed! And the warmth would be heavenly.
     So, I get on this bus, and some guy I don't know comes and sits next to me. I introduce myself, and he talks to  me for a bit. He was nice. He got off at the stop with all but 3 passengers, and I knew that the 4 of us left-overs had all had the same idea. (you know, take the bus and skip walking in the cold.) What we 4 hadn't counted on was for the driver to say this:
     "Uhh... yall gotta get off this bus. I'm going off duty."
     Oh... Well that's just awesome.
     We get off and go stand in the cold, waiting for another bus to come. At this point, I'm on the completely other side of campus, so there's no faster way I can get to my dorm than just standing there and waiting. So finally this other bus comes, and we all get on, and it takes us all the way back to the Great Golf Ball's bus stop. Again, most people got off to go into the Ark, but this time about 15 people stayed on. I am not making this up, the bus driver raises her voice and says, "All yall gotta get off! I'm going back to north!" She was going back to the place we had JUST come from.

     So, again, I am standing in the cold, waiting for a bus. After waiting about 5 minutes, I realized one wasn't going to be there soon. So I bite the bullet and just walk. I walk to my dorm. in the cold. The same distance I would have walked if I had just walked back in the first place! Only now, I'm even colder than I would have been, I'm exhausted from my 3 hours of sleep, it's been about 20 minutes, and I am admittedly in a bad mood. To make it even worse, right as I get to the cross walk to go the last little bit before getting to my dorm, I am passed by a bus. A bus I could have been on, had I waited in the cold rather than walked in the cold.

     I walked in my dorm.
     I put on sweat pants.
     I hid under my blankets.
     And I slept until my next class.


     That was pretty much today.

     With Love,
      Me

   

Darkness.

       Dear Mama,

       I'd like to tell you a little story about this evening. 

       So.

       Me and The Ap's were sitting in the dorm room with the Other at her desk ignoring us both.

Everything was pretty normal. I was reading through a homework assignment, The Ap's was laughing over some "funny" thing that happened in one of her weirdo cooking shows, and the Other was... I'm not even going to pretend to know. 

       Someone forgot their PassCard, so they were knocking at the door. Since we have the dorm room closest to the door, The Ap's is obviously the one obligated to let the forgetful person in. Or me. But it's usually her. So. She goes, opens the door, and talks to the girl coming in from the frigid cold. The Ap's then comes back into the dorm, and resumes her former position. 

      All is well.

       Several minutes go by, and suddenly the power goes out, and the entire dorm just goes black. Several girls let out blood-curdling screams. I didn't know this at the time, but they were in the shower, and the one who first screamed, she had just seen "The Roommate". In case you don't know, that's a movie about this girl who is in college, and her roommate becomes obsessed with her. Evidently in this movie, the roommate cuts out the light in the bathroom while the main chick is in the shower. Crazy Girl then sneaks into the shower with the main girl and rips out her belly button ring! The girl on my hall who screamed, she had just gotten her belly button pierced. So, she's in the shower, the lights go out and in her mind the next logical option is that someone is coming for that bellybutton! So she screams, I mean, full on belts it! So, that terrifies the already uneasy girl in the next shower, so she screams! Which scares the first girl even more, so she screams again! So, all of this is going on at the same time, and I'm just sitting there, my virginity is saying its last goodbyes, because we both know the next scene is some dude in a ski mask raping and killing us all.

       After a minute, the screaming stops, and we notice that the emergency lights in the hall had come on. So we all go out into the hall, which was not that impressive lighting-wise, but once we had come to the light, we were all convinced that boogie men were hiding in our rooms, so we didn't even go near our doors without backup. I grabbed The Ap's, and we opened the door into the dark stairwell, which, might I add, has fantastic acoustics. They're amazing to sing in, but when you're calling out to make sure no one is crying, curled up in the stairwell asking God why they didn't go up in the Rapture, the acoustics suddenly make the entire experience ten times creepier.  

      Thankfully, no one was in the stairwell.

      We then looked out the window to see who else was in the dark. The entire campus was midnight black, except for FortuneWorld across the way. They were as bright as New York 2 seconds before the New Year. And boy, did we hate them... 

    But soon our thoughts turned to other things... Now that no one was pulling out belly button rings, screaming in showers, coming at us with a ski mask, or crying in the stair well, there wasn't really all that much to do. It was then that we communally realized the internet had joined light in its little vacation away from all of us. 

     This was the moment where I got a glimpse of how incredibly pathetic my dependance on technology is. The lights go out, and I immediately become terrified of my room. The internet goes out, and I feel like, "well crap, now I have to talk to people". It's ridiculous! Thankfully though, The Ap's saved me from such deep wonderings, because she looked at me and said, "This is dumb. I'm going to just go back in the room and wait."and I thought, "Well awesome. Enjoy the serial killer." But, being the ever faithful friend that I am, (and possibly maybe because I was a little too embarrassed to admit I was scared), I went and sat on my bed. No sooner had I sat down than Boom! Light again!

     The entire campus cheered.

     

    The internet retuned within about 5 minutes. I added that sentence, because I know you were really concerned about that.

    So that is my story of darkness. 

    With Love,

     Me