Chocolate.

     Dear Mama,
     Today there was church, and I'll be honest, I didn't want to go. I was tired, and I felt... well. "eh" about the whole thing. But I got up, got dressed, and got into the van to go. At Sunday school, I ate a blueberry muffin instead of the chocolate one, because of my whole... "trying to avoid sweets" thing, and accepted Red Beard's invitation to sit next to him. The Ap's came and sat next to me, and we three talked for a bit. Red Beard looked at his empty styrofoam cup and said, "Well that's sad. My milk is gone." I took his cup from him without saying a word and went to go refill it. It was an easy transfer, so I didn't think anyone had noticed, but as I left the circle of fold up chairs, I heard Red Leader say, "Wow, Red Beard, why don't you go ask her to make you a sandwich too!" And the sandwich jokes escalated from there. I brought his milk back, and apologized for not bringing him two bagels with creme cheese in the middle, since that was the closest thing to a sandwich available.

     In Sunday school we talked about the government. So. That was exciting.

     It ended, and I realized Braids was there. She hadn't been at church yet, or at youth group (which she had previously been one of the leaders of) this semester. I had run into her a handful of times over the semester, and she seemed sad. See, the thing about Braids is, she (normally) is the definition of joyful. Her love of Jesus is truly inspiring; it flows from everything she says and does. She's a beautiful, happy, energetic person.
     But this semester, she seemed... heavy. She needed to talk, but she isn't the kind of person to talk about herself unless you ask. So, I pulled her aside and asked. Her eyes filled up with tears when she said, "No, I'm fine, really. Jesus is good, I'm just... not. But I'll be okay." "Braids, what's wrong?" "It would take hours to explain everything." Most everyone had left the room at this point. I touched her shoulder and asked, "Well, have you talked to anyone about at least some of it?" She shook her head.
   I sat down with her, and asked her to just start somewhere. For the most part, she just felt lonely. Her family moved back to another country, so she was alone in America. Along with that, she is the kind of person that gives until they have nothing left, and with all the groups she's involved herself in, she's exhausted from listening to people talk, caring for them, praying for them, bearing their burdens. Several friendships are with manipulative people who give absolutely nothing back, and guilt her if she isn't always available to them. All of that, plus an extremely large homework load has taken its toll, and she's lost some of that pure joy in seeking God. That was taking a toll on her as well, because, like I said, Braids is a happy person who truly finds joy in Christ. She was missing that... light, happy joy.
     She ended this conversation by saying, "And I hate this weather! Why is it so cold? I miss warmth so much..." I knew from a previous conversation that her love language was gifts, and I was pretty sure one of the things she needed the most was to just laugh and let some of the stress go.
     As we ended this conversation, Flywheel came in. He'd been one of the last to leave the room from Sunday School. "Hey" I said, "how much of the service have we missed?" "Oh... I don't know. I didn't go up." Braids sat up a bit, "why not?" "Well, because I've been outside, praying for you. Are you doing better?" Seems I wasn't the only one who'd noticed Braids' change. "Yeah" she said, "I really am." "Okay, good." He said, "Well if you need anything, just say so." He left the room.

     I then crafted a plan to make Braids laugh, and to give her a little bit of the warmth she'd been missing. After church, I went up to Flywheel, "Hey" I said, "Can I ask you something?" I told him my plan, (which required a trip to Walmart.)
     He drove The Ap's and I there after lunch with our group from church. I decided I'd turn up the heat really high in my room, and tell Braids (who's agreed to come to the dorm for a bit in the afternoon) to bring shorts. I'd decorate with cheap fake flowers and streamers. I'd play some fun upbeat songs on my radio, and make tropical fruit dipped in chocolate for a snack. (I figured I'd let today be a vacation from my attempts to avoid sweets. It was for a good cause! And though I hated the thought of it, it would just be weird to make her eat it on her own.... I know. It was a real sacrifice. But it was one I felt I had to make...) I'd also save some of the flowers and attach them to bobby pins to put in our hair. I got her some loaf cake, because I know she loves bread but there wasn't any of the kind she said she liked. I got two different kinds of chocolate- milk and white- because I didn't know which one she would like better. For fruit, I made sure to buy things I know me and my roommates would eat as well (since Braids and I definitely wouldn't eat all of it during the afternoon) I also thought the flowers would add something nice to the room, and if I decorated well, they could just stay up! The streamers were 93 cents... so... I figured that was an easy splurge. Flywheel had the idea to buy streamers the colors of her country's flag. We were set.
     I spent an hour getting ready. I told Braids when to show up, what to bring (shorts...), and I was so excited! I'd decided to be frugal and buy a whole pineapple rather than the pre-cut bits, (it was a couple dollars cheaper, and I got more pineapple than I would have if I'd just gotten the cut up bits) and boy, was that a pain in the butt to cut. My knives were not made for that heavy duty stuff! But finally, the process was over. I cut up two bananas, and set out about 8 strawberries, and saved the rest for when I wanted fruit later on in the week.
     I set the freshly cut fruit out nicely on a plate, and had just put the chocolate in the microwave start when my phone went off...

     Braids was getting sick. Her roommate had mono. She was really sorry, but after homework she didn't think she could come. She asked if we could hang out another day. I told her it was okay and we could definitely reschedule.
     Not gonna lie, I was really disappointed...
   
     But, then I figured, "why waste all of this?" By the time Braids felt better, the fruit would probably be bad, and it was already all chopped up and half the chocolate has melted. So, I decided The Ap's and I would just have a nice treat! We'd have fruit dipped in chocolate for dinner! The Other had gone home for the weekend, so it was just us two. Plus, this would allow me more time to work on my homework.
    I dipped all the fruit, found out that mixing milk in the chocolate does not make it creamier, made a bar of chocolate from the slightly over-milked chocolate, and finished dipping the pineapples in a new batch of creamy, sweet darkness.

     I put it all in the fridge and started on some homework. After about 45 minutes, The Ap's got the hardened fruit dipped in deliciousness, and we ate almost all of it while laughing at, tearing up to, and sometimes just scoffing at wedding proposal videos on YouTube.

     Occasionally we would even break out into Beyoncé's song, "All the single ladies"! (well, just the first lines, "All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" I know. The lyrics are about as deep as my love for itchy clothing.)

     All that's to say, the single life is treating me well! And I can make chocolate covered fruit in my dorm. It's been a successful day.

    With Love,
     Me

Travel.

     Dear Mama,
     Today has been a little rough. And I'll tell you why.
   
     I woke up at 6:30.

     Let's just take a moment and appreciate that terrible life decision.


     What made it worse was getting up at that time meant I got about 3 hours of sleep. And even that's being generous, because the Other woke up at 4:30 to go to her ROTC training. And when she wakes up, we all wake up.
     So, the reason I chose to get up at such an unearthly hour, was simply because I have a class at 8:15, and I wouldn't have enough time between the end of class and chapel to come and clean the room. I failed to realize this until last night after the Other had fallen asleep and The Ap's was close to it. So, I bit the bullet, set the alarm, and did more homework than I needed to so I wouldn't be stressed over the weekend.
     At 7:40 the room looked beautiful. Everything was put away nicely, the Other has taken out all, (all. even my) garbage, (it was a glorious moment in the world of Me.) The floor had been swept, the Other is was taking a shower, and I was alone. I was dressed, ready, shoes on, messenger bag filled, make up applied, and warm. I enjoyed my solitude until 7:59, when I realized I needed to prepare myself for the cold wasteland of the outdoors.
     I walked down the stairwell, and waited until I see a bus through the window before walking outside. I could tell just by the chill of the window that if I went out there too soon, my face would freeze so badly, my nose would fall off.
     So, I finally see the bus, and I run to catch it, the whole time praying that there is room for me. There was. The ride down to main campus was warm. and I was happy. I made a friend with the girl sitting next to me. And she was nice, even though no one looked happy to be awake.
     The bus stopped. I got out, jaywalked across the street, (because that's what we learn here at college) jaunted up the stairs to the second floor of the Ark, and went into my classroom. My very friendly looking professor was nowhere to be found. I take a seat next to a girl, say hello, she ignores me, so I just go on and turn on my computer. This guy comes and sits next to me, says hello, I say good morning, and I think to myself, "He is an attractive person." That's it. That was the entire thought. Nothing else. Just acknowledging that he was a decent looking human being. I then turned back to my computer, and did not think of it again until later on in the class when I find out that, of all the students in this course, he is the only one who is married. And I legitimately felt like an adulterous.

     Another fun moment of class was when I misunderstood the professor (who did end up coming to class-- much to my disappointment) when he said, "don't take selfies. You can get in huge trouble for it." Something you should understand about my teacher: though he is friendly, he can be very intense. He worked a job that I'll tell you more about later, but basically, he's credible. So I was scared. Why was I scared?
     Well, we had just finished talking about Social Media, and how it is used to harass, bully, stalk, and threaten people. We also talked about the legal definitions and consequences of these actions. So, when he said "huge trouble" I thought "huge" included some of the other things he had been saying like, losing job credibility, losing your chances of being accepted to colleges, going to jail! Those sorts of very unappealing things. So, I was thinking of the few selfies I've taken. Just a couple days ago, I took a selfie to show off what The Ap's had done to my hair. I did not want to go to jail for that! I'm not one of those girls who take a selfie a day. But I've taken a few! and I was legitimately scared that there might be something wrong with that, like, it shows arrogance or stupidity or something!
     I wasn't going to bring this up in class though. Let's just be honest, no matter what you say to preface it, if you ask if taking selfies is legal you not only look like an idiot, but you also look like the selfie-a-day girl.
     So. I waited until after class.
     My Professor laughed when I asked my question, which was something I wasn't sure how to react to. He then explained that it had to be a selfie of something not completely appropriate, (clubbing, doing drugs, that kinda thing), so basically, my hair pictures are safe from criminal charge.

    I walked out of the class, and started talking to a girl I hadn't seen before. She'd had a question too, so we left semi-together. She was a really sweet girl! And I think we'll at least be, "Hey, how are you? I'm good too. See you later" friends. I asked her what year she was, and she said, "Well, technically I'm a junior, but I'm a freshmen."
     ... mmmkay, princess, I'm going to pretend like that made since... "You see, I was homeschooled and I did two years of college at home while finishing up my last two years of high school." Ahh, the over achieving home schooler... I complimented her on her abilities, and then realized I was talking to the older version of my sister. (At least, as far as academics go). And I had a moment of sisterly pride as I bragged about what my sophomore sister planned to do. I could tell this girl was impressed. Which was cool.

     We got coffee, (okay, she got coffee, I got hot chocolate because coffee is gross) and we talked as we descended the Ark, walked through the cold to the doors of the Great Golf Ball, and I lost her as we walked through the crowded entryway.

     (Chapel was so good. The speaker made excellent points that caused me to think a lot about my walk with God. I'll tell you more about that later.)

     After chapel, I had a choice to make. The Great Golf Ball is in the middle of campus, so I could either walk up to my dorm in the freezing cold, or I could take a bus. The downside of the bus was that it first had to go to the other side of campus, before it looped around to my dorm. But, this was an easy choice for me, since I already miss riding around in cars, so the extra time in the bus would be welcomed! And the warmth would be heavenly.
     So, I get on this bus, and some guy I don't know comes and sits next to me. I introduce myself, and he talks to  me for a bit. He was nice. He got off at the stop with all but 3 passengers, and I knew that the 4 of us left-overs had all had the same idea. (you know, take the bus and skip walking in the cold.) What we 4 hadn't counted on was for the driver to say this:
     "Uhh... yall gotta get off this bus. I'm going off duty."
     Oh... Well that's just awesome.
     We get off and go stand in the cold, waiting for another bus to come. At this point, I'm on the completely other side of campus, so there's no faster way I can get to my dorm than just standing there and waiting. So finally this other bus comes, and we all get on, and it takes us all the way back to the Great Golf Ball's bus stop. Again, most people got off to go into the Ark, but this time about 15 people stayed on. I am not making this up, the bus driver raises her voice and says, "All yall gotta get off! I'm going back to north!" She was going back to the place we had JUST come from.

     So, again, I am standing in the cold, waiting for a bus. After waiting about 5 minutes, I realized one wasn't going to be there soon. So I bite the bullet and just walk. I walk to my dorm. in the cold. The same distance I would have walked if I had just walked back in the first place! Only now, I'm even colder than I would have been, I'm exhausted from my 3 hours of sleep, it's been about 20 minutes, and I am admittedly in a bad mood. To make it even worse, right as I get to the cross walk to go the last little bit before getting to my dorm, I am passed by a bus. A bus I could have been on, had I waited in the cold rather than walked in the cold.

     I walked in my dorm.
     I put on sweat pants.
     I hid under my blankets.
     And I slept until my next class.


     That was pretty much today.

     With Love,
      Me

   

Darkness.

       Dear Mama,

       I'd like to tell you a little story about this evening. 

       So.

       Me and The Ap's were sitting in the dorm room with the Other at her desk ignoring us both.

Everything was pretty normal. I was reading through a homework assignment, The Ap's was laughing over some "funny" thing that happened in one of her weirdo cooking shows, and the Other was... I'm not even going to pretend to know. 

       Someone forgot their PassCard, so they were knocking at the door. Since we have the dorm room closest to the door, The Ap's is obviously the one obligated to let the forgetful person in. Or me. But it's usually her. So. She goes, opens the door, and talks to the girl coming in from the frigid cold. The Ap's then comes back into the dorm, and resumes her former position. 

      All is well.

       Several minutes go by, and suddenly the power goes out, and the entire dorm just goes black. Several girls let out blood-curdling screams. I didn't know this at the time, but they were in the shower, and the one who first screamed, she had just seen "The Roommate". In case you don't know, that's a movie about this girl who is in college, and her roommate becomes obsessed with her. Evidently in this movie, the roommate cuts out the light in the bathroom while the main chick is in the shower. Crazy Girl then sneaks into the shower with the main girl and rips out her belly button ring! The girl on my hall who screamed, she had just gotten her belly button pierced. So, she's in the shower, the lights go out and in her mind the next logical option is that someone is coming for that bellybutton! So she screams, I mean, full on belts it! So, that terrifies the already uneasy girl in the next shower, so she screams! Which scares the first girl even more, so she screams again! So, all of this is going on at the same time, and I'm just sitting there, my virginity is saying its last goodbyes, because we both know the next scene is some dude in a ski mask raping and killing us all.

       After a minute, the screaming stops, and we notice that the emergency lights in the hall had come on. So we all go out into the hall, which was not that impressive lighting-wise, but once we had come to the light, we were all convinced that boogie men were hiding in our rooms, so we didn't even go near our doors without backup. I grabbed The Ap's, and we opened the door into the dark stairwell, which, might I add, has fantastic acoustics. They're amazing to sing in, but when you're calling out to make sure no one is crying, curled up in the stairwell asking God why they didn't go up in the Rapture, the acoustics suddenly make the entire experience ten times creepier.  

      Thankfully, no one was in the stairwell.

      We then looked out the window to see who else was in the dark. The entire campus was midnight black, except for FortuneWorld across the way. They were as bright as New York 2 seconds before the New Year. And boy, did we hate them... 

    But soon our thoughts turned to other things... Now that no one was pulling out belly button rings, screaming in showers, coming at us with a ski mask, or crying in the stair well, there wasn't really all that much to do. It was then that we communally realized the internet had joined light in its little vacation away from all of us. 

     This was the moment where I got a glimpse of how incredibly pathetic my dependance on technology is. The lights go out, and I immediately become terrified of my room. The internet goes out, and I feel like, "well crap, now I have to talk to people". It's ridiculous! Thankfully though, The Ap's saved me from such deep wonderings, because she looked at me and said, "This is dumb. I'm going to just go back in the room and wait."and I thought, "Well awesome. Enjoy the serial killer." But, being the ever faithful friend that I am, (and possibly maybe because I was a little too embarrassed to admit I was scared), I went and sat on my bed. No sooner had I sat down than Boom! Light again!

     The entire campus cheered.

     

    The internet retuned within about 5 minutes. I added that sentence, because I know you were really concerned about that.

    So that is my story of darkness. 

    With Love,

     Me